Friday, July 21, 2006

To betray you must first belong

'How could you, after all we have been through?' Please take care you are not the one to say that next time because there's never any need at all. Prior belonging is an essential ingredient of all betrayal, at least if the betrayal is supposed to make meaning.How can anyone sell you out if you hadn't earlier perceived them as allies or otherwise?
It is quite senseless to keep reminding the betrayer of the success of their game plan by getting so shocked that they could take the least expected step and do so much harm. After all the whole sequence, including their efforts to belong pain had long been planned for the sole purpose to achieve the betrayal.
The only wise thing therefore, is to check it all from the first stage,the stage of belonging.You must set your own starndards of belonging and be sure to check that everyone who 'belongs' first fits the criteria for such belonging.Guess that's why people have learnt the difference between love and lust(just an example) and have known how to spare their hearts in the former and give their hearts in the latter. Its just one way to avert unnecessary disappointment.
So in the event of betrayal just take time to evaluate the first step, did the concerned actually belong and if they did was it rightful belonging?. In most cases the answer to the above is a plain no. So don't waste time mourning the offenders and asking them to reverse their actions, life is precious don't waste it. Just go on and mend your fences and learn how to control that crucial step, just who belongs and who doesn't.

Monday, July 03, 2006

For all that is good

They say all that nature gives; in beauty, youth and spring, nature itself soon takes away. A fact that remains true to this day. However subject to ourselves, what we give to nature can last a longer time than all it has given us if we graciously use our gifts wisely and well enough to return, other than take away from nature in useless, selfish attempts to please our ego and vanity. So choose today. Remember in the end, it isn't so much what you did for yourself that counts, but your service as a positive instrument of nature is that which speaks after you are long gone.Always know that a life time aint too long.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Once bitten twice shy, twice as wise or forever smitten.

in life they say one takes their pick and while getting bitten is not so much of an option, at least for those who want to live their lives fully, how one takes the bite is entirely one's own choice.
taking the bite bravely does not mean ridiculously pretending that it doesn't hurt because it certainly does hurt, that's why it is a bite,however acknowledging pain and choosing to be positive about it is a plus for any self respecting person.
The three attitudes above are seen everyday in different people. A little description of the three is as follows:
twice shy
This is the typical attitude of a child who was scolded for its size, looks or accent.See such things very few of us can change and for the extremely sensitive child the taste they leave in the mind is that of an everlasting, indelible sourness that even time cannot erase. As we grow older we go on fighting these unknown deep seated fears and memories that we can never face directly and hence we are in a constant shadow fight with ourselves. Soon it becomes okay to let our selfesteem be bogged and crushed unless we get courageous enough to revive and heal that little hurting child in a rational other than emotional manner.
twice as wiseNow this is the attitude of a born winner trained in self compassion and an outstanding belief in himself.Its all about knowing one's intrinsic self worth and refusing to surrender it to failure, rejection or fear. It requires a solid relationship with one's Maker and it calls us to see the bigger picture. Everything is seen as a lesson for one's improvement, a blessing though often in disguise. It is a winner's attitude.
forever smitten
Now this one is for the unfortunate one who just believes the world is all against him. Its that jilted lover that can never love again or that bright student that can not make his grade again. Unless quickly counselled such people end up self destructing with no one to hold on to.

A positive attitude is not so much merely chanting self glorifying adages, but it is a thorough inspection, internalizing and implementation of the Truth that sets us free. The Truth is there, almost always too good and too big to be true but with God's Grace even the faintest of hearts can be the winner. If only we learnt to surrender and chose to learn of Him.
So today you still have a choice take it.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Its my life

You have it right; a teenage gal bangs the door at the seemingly overprotective mother,an undergraduate throws the words after being quizzed on missing class... the list is endless.All the above are rebels of sorts, renagades, a people eager for a new way that detaches from the convention.They are strong characters but often playing the wrong part.
In more common settings the popular notion comes in handy when dealing with the negative. It only reflects the determination of the 'rebel' to depart from the norm, to stand out and speak his mind often contrary to the teaching of those before him.While rebellion may not always be wrong we often catch ourselves pinching our noses at these people, telling them its only a matter of time before they get back to the real world.We are naturally against the strength of their character because it goes a long way to display our own failure to revolt against the norm.We hate to see ourselves as prisoners of an unknown system whose ideals we do not necessarily concur with.Our submission to this rule is therefore exposed by the more daring folk, whose often open and provocative defiance to a norm none of us could dare question leaves us totally uneasy.
However in our world today independent thinking is a prerequisite.Greatness is a very lonely road that only very few have travelled.History is made by those who have dared to step out of their shoes.It does little good for one to try to fit in a box when they were made to fill a whole house.
For the great thinkers however, zeal without knowledge is extremely dangerous.Most of us have the fiber and what it takes to attain our mark and show a new way, only we lack the character.Its the case of a good actor taking the wrong role.It doesn't have to be a reckless course that defines us.We can stand up for a higher calling instead.
Let's think of charting a new way that has a positive contribution, desire to improve ourselves and others.Indeed we could work longer hours,visit the sick, make up with our enemies or do some voluntary service.All to prove that it's our life.
Always remember its your life ,put it into good use!

Friday, November 25, 2005

Love is so many things

Love is the unquestioning sacrifice we make for others
Love is keeping silent when we die to speak
Love is sorting out one's words ever so meticulously
Love is forgiving when you'd rather keep a grudge
Love is accepting another's darkest side
Love is going that extra mile without expecting an overtime fee
Love is the conscious effort to remain self-controlled even when you'd rather bust
And yet

Love is taking a firm stand against all adversity
Love is saying a gentle but firm 'no' to the unreasonable
Love is having to single out a particular person from a group
Love is a do or die struggle to preserve one's dignity and the interests of those we love
Love is a gentle but meaningful correction
Oh yes
Love is a feeling best expressed in action

Did you say you love.....,think again!

Friday, October 14, 2005

On a light note

Of course I have an apology to make, Milonare nitajitetea nikiwa upande wa mashahidi!!
Now these things that we hope do not happen on our wedding days,at times do happen you know.Remember your first campus meet,'Meet the freshmen kind of thing?'Oh yeah the new faces, seniors trying to find the pretty ones and generally getting a taste of what it would be like for the next few years there.Far from the high fliers,the kind of faces everyone cranes to see, I spotted another rather reserved freshman apparently trying all he could to keep up with the hub hub that must have been pure torture for those of his kind.Being a year ahead and remebering my own blues on a day like this one the year before, I chose to be a friend and help him through.I edged my way towards him making it clear to everyone else that my attention was taken.Now to even say hallo, to break the ice and get a rapport wasn't one easy task.He was the really reserved kind with that 'do not disturb' attitude.One can only imagine how ridiculous it was for me to keep trying small talk about the flavour of his drink only to be given a real cold shoulder.Nonetheless I pressed on and to my relief he eased up enough to smile-and what a smile- a gift I still treasure.
Mike, as I came to learn,was a nice person.He was a bright student and all, only he suffered some personal complex that made it difficult for him to relate with others leave alone with himself.A psychology student myself and with a personal liking for this softspoken freshman, I made it my duty to nurse the guy to health.
So it followed that I had acquired a rather sweet problem in my hands:phone calls at midnight to speak to a stressed out Mike or hours on Sunday afternoon doing all I could to reassure and nurture a grown yet so timid guy.As you can guess I grew to fall in love with him.Watching him progress,heal and become a great independent guy was a joy I savoured everyday.
After one year Mike had grown both in stature and mind.He was not the same timid guy we knew and we were the best of friends still maintaining our connection.Ours seemed to be beyond the normal love relationship. We always felt together even though quite independent of each other.Even after I left campus, we still kept it real with mail and visits.
There comes a time when one just feels like taking things to a conclusion in any relationship mmm?So this time I go ahead and ask him his plans about us .He hesitates and says he'll soon answer, why lie I am stressed now, really stressed.In the end I'm made to know that there's this one gal whom Mike's mum thinks is the best for him and of course he'd never forget me as a good friend and hope I'll understand...Now of course I read between the lines. As far as I know there's little a Mum could do if Mike were truly into my dose,the real issue was just me and him,no use to lie.Now I went through the normal really blue moments wondering why life was so unfair and trying in vain to cause Mike to change his mind.
So finally comes the wedding day and in spite of me I drag myself on, just to see Mike go away from me and forever I would have to hold my peace.The wedding was all good, finery and all.Save for the constant lump on my throat all was beautiful.I chose the last row careful to remain neutral and composed.Next to me was a guy, middle aged and looking good only rather bored and nonchalant.Must be one of those younger bros who just didn't appreciate the fuss that's nuptials.I identified with him ,only for a different reason.
The crux of the matter finally came.The voice was clear,'If anyone has a good reason....or forever hold your peace.'I looked up struggling to keep calm.Then Mike's eyes were on me,just like they'd been so many times before when he was in his low moods, I wept inside.The moment was tense, no one spoke.The pastor,happy to conclude the moment, opened his mouth to speak,but soon shut it.In a bold voice Mike had interrupted him saying, 'I think I do.'What ensued was that awkward pandemonium of 'what?' 'how?', the kind after the results of an election.The hitherto bored fellow next to me was visibly vibrant,working his way to the front amid everyone's protests.I came to learn he was the prospective boyfriend of today's bride, strange that we should have sat together.
Fearing unwanted curiosity seekers I quickly left for my home, leaving Mike to stand for his own will as is required of all of us at one time in life.
After a grueling two hours Mike was at my doorstep,just like he'd been so many days before.Something in his eyes told me he'd always be mine, only this time round I needed him to propose to me.

Friday, August 26, 2005

To stand the world a drink!!

We knew her, she'd grown up with us.There wasn't much difference between us except that as the growing up years became trickier and trickier,she couldn't cope.The thing with good morals and personal temperance didn't seem to come too easy with her.As with most parents, ours had warned us ever so severly, to keep off her paths or else we'd become just as miserable like she had been. Her stories were heard far and wide, her shame embraced her wherever she went. She was your typical easy woman, often without friends. Some sympathised, others made fun while others just remained indifferent. Life went on, each day with a new visitor at her door. Nobody was courageous enough to care, she was a gone case, the kind left only to God's all encompassing mercies.
Eventually, however she made her way to town where by some good grace she discovered her talents in showbiz and for once in her life she had actually become great.It was evident in her every move.The once tired lines on her face had become a perfect complexion, sanguine with suppleness and health.The forever agonised countenance was now aglow with confidence and beaming with the possibilities that her world had created for her.
The news of her come back was on every lip again just as that of her mischief had been.We listened with eager anticipation downing each detail with mixed feelings,preparing ourselves for the final stage which would be to see for ourselves.
Finally the day came and yes our eyes couldn't help but stare; the beauty was remarkable and the underlying success spoke louder than any words could.We held our breath like children caught stealing sugar, she strode past us, a beautiful tigress at the prime of her glory.Tension was mounting as scenes from the past kept unfolding in our minds. It was a past we had both created, in our words, judgements and convictions. Before, we had been the favoured ones and our criticism often acrid and insensitive, had always been thrown at her. She had been the prisoner in our dock with no lawyer to stand for her. She had known many men and many knew her but none stood with her as a friend.Loneliness had become a part of her. Slowly she had learnt to do without friends becoming her own mentor and comforter. With that bitterness of the soul known only to the misfits of the earth, she had learnt how to boldly repel us and had decided to be the single handed creature of the night that takes in the cold, the fear and the drab but still spins gold out of it.
Now with the advent of change she knew we were forced to acknowledge her success and that we did, only with many a lump in our throats.Yes we had wronged her, that we knew, but so how we'd we make up? She percieved the world as an enemy,to whom she'd always work hard to prove herself.It was clear to her that she was never among friends when she was with us.She'd either lose or win but we could never share the same plate as friends would.
Her newly acquired success must have seemed to her as the franchise with which she would enter our world or better still a mark she now had over us.Deep inside however, she wished to reconcile herself with her past enemies.Guess in the end, past bitterness and all were simply made easier by the passage of time and her apparent mastery over all her odds enough to succeed like she had. She was willing to let it all go and hug us tight like long lost friends would.
So she invited us for a drink. It wasn't your regular wine, but the kind that talks of class and social elevation.We sat down to the feast, a celebration to mark the end of an era.With grace and style she poured the drink into our glasses. Avoiding each other's eyes we flowed on, following the social niceties demanded of us.Our throats tightened with mixed sentiments, more like actors who forgot their words on stage. Slowly however the taste of the wine seemed to revive the unwept tears of a past we were all so eager to bury. The old wounds started bleeding again.Suddenly we seemed like wolves in her table ready to prey on her kindness, just like we had mocked her earlier misdeeds. The whole ceremony appeared more of a plea for our acceptance on her part.Her once immaculate face clouded with obvious disgust.Who were we that she should work so hard for our acceptance?Hadn't she lived without us for so long?The once orderly table responded to the wave of emotion in our host. It shook like a broken reed spilling the drink not to mention spoiling the feast.We watched in horror, prisoners of our own consciences.Yes she had succeeded but that was never enough for us, somehow it was easier to have her where she had been.She stared back with rage. We knew we had to leave.
Like her, some of us wish to stand the world a drink. To flaunt our success to those that had earlier despised us, indeed to prove ourselves against their prejudice.But that may not come too easy. When we are finally ready the world is either too shy or too mean to come for its drink.What is the use of waiting to live another day, i.e the day you'll finally be able to prove yourself to the world? Instead of standing the world the drink which in most cases becomes a wasted effort I'd rataher one stood themselves the drink instead. Acknowledge your heartaches, misfortunes and the mountains you need to climb, then resolve the situation with your Maker. I am sure He will reassure you and give you a new reason to live.Sooner or later one would realise who they really owe an apology.It isn't the world out there, but it's with your Maker with whom you need to renew contacts. We all need unconditional love and acceptance something we cannot earn by trying to redeem our past.Whenever you feel like having to stand the world a drink just know you need something higher and more meaningful. Resolve the situation with your own Maker who truly loves you unconditionally and has all the answers to the mystery that your life may seem.It helps little to think you can just forget and forgive just coz of the passage of time. It never works like that. You need to resolve yur past and forgive not just cover up with some expensive drink, it never comes too easy.After which you should stop wishing to win peoples acceptance by attempting to redeem your past. In fact you do not owe them an apology.They have no right to put you in a prison of their own making.You should consider yourself ready for an honest and healthy friendship that does not lay down rules for you. Stand yourself the drink and set yourself free!