Friday, June 24, 2005

immoral woman

Ever heard that before? of course you have, maybe you've actually used it on someone.Guess the whole thing is just about sexual chastity and the like. I think we would do better to define sexual chastity in our own style shouldn't we?A well to do, quite upright gal, told me it's all about keeping our limits, say we could go all the way but keep the real act for later while for the conservatives even saying hallo to one of the opposite sex or ogling at some well formed backside of a sumptuous female is a clear compromise of one's treasured fortress of self control. Like many others I'm left to wonder who actually has the acceptable standard of good morals today.
In the end if we chose to abandon our houses of glass and came down to earth, it would do us some good to live where the rubber meets the road and simply stop judging others by standards we ourselves are not sure we can meet.For the women its even worse because the more we try to fit in garments we were not made for, it clearly gets even more tricky as we struggle to live our lives to the full and still work hard to conform to the 'set standards'. Self esteem is compromised and so much time is wasted just living up to another person's convictions.For me, I guess we all have a right to our own opinion and consciences.There's nothing as bad as lack of personal conviction in whatever we do. It reduces us to puppets and clearly sups the joie de vivre in a person and renders one so vulnerable to the many unfavorable forces of nature.
I challenge everyone to judge there own actions critically according to their own convictions and take responsibility for themselves. In their dressing, speech and sexuality.It is quite useless to try to conform to a particular standard that one does not believe in or to try and force one's convictions on others. Nothing is as stupid as playing the victim in our world today.
Next time you walking down town and you scowl at some rather revealing manner of dress ask yourself why for some reason you just can't keep your eyes off that quite 'provocative sight' and stop blaming your own weaknesses and dirty mind on others.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

My aphrodisiac!

So what's the above supposed to be? for some it's the image of some dance hall ta mali while for others it's some sharp sophisticated lady they saw at the supermarket and to yet others, it's one of an innocent village gal adorned with the milk of innocence that mocks her need to survive in a cutthroat world. Whatever it evokes in one's mind, goes a long way to define that particular person. Trouble only comes when in sheer misappropriation, someone actually dedicated the track to their own mother. Well, there may be nothing too grave with this, thinking of the hot beat in the track.To this person it may have conveyed an appreciation for motherly love and unconditional affection,feelings anyone would attribute to thier mother, even though his choice of song left many of us with many a nagging question.
In the end I really wonder what could be legally justified as one's aphrodisiac. I am led to think of the nights in an average Kenyan club where the euphoria of drink literally causes one to get lost in their own world, singing and incoherent chants rend the air with all manner of outrageous dancing styles. Now to these people, I should imagine nothing else does it better as an aphrodisiac as their precious drink would. Or during the 'msotodays' in campus when endless visits are made to the 'helb' offices all in wait of the treasured loan. Really when it is finally procured even the hottest 'supuu' would do little as an aphrodisiac! What of those of us holding our breath during the budget speech, there ought to have been one or two things to smile about giving an effect quite like these aphrodisiac substances do.
As far as I know, a classy lady with some model configuration body does little as an aphrodisiac to the regular guy in the street who's counting his last coins before entering a pub for a tot of 'kiruru. Really it does little to pretend. Anything that thrills you and causes your levels of adrenaline to rise, passes well for an aphrodisiac.There can never be a standard aphrodisiac substance, don't they say 'it's all in the mind?' sure it is.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Get up again

And once more I'm compelled to appreciate the wonder of having such a nice little journal that receives my very heart, ever so gratefully.To me it's like a dear mistress who knows just the way to nurse and heal me really there could never be a better way to define the bond I have created with this my journal.
Boy, ever had a weakness that is hard to grow out of? Well I have.It can be frustrating to try and fail but one thing is for sure, I could never give up on myself, no matter what.It hurts to have to repeat the same thing more than once and forever having to reassure yourself that it's gonna be fine next time, above all the skeptic voices that just want to kill the very self of you.
Writing the new rules and adopting new strategies in the face of a new enemy,apparently hitherto unprecedented is not one of my favourite tasks.However being able to literally nurse my wounds has brought me closer to myself in a way that has made me appreciate to great proportions.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Why is it always so?

For me, just like for many others I'm sure, finding true love has been rather rigorous process in which I give too much for so little.Just like in many unfortunate situations, little help has been given by all the friends and onlookers that have known my plight.Whenever they try to sympathise I'm naturally driven to self defense and attempts to deny my own need.This of course works well to shut up some unwelcome feigned feelings or save my poor ego from another ruthless insensitive beating,however the need still
remains and feelings of inadequacy still haunt my nights reducing me into some vulnerable child.
Now of course each one of us has the need to be loved.It's just one of those points of nature that mock our ego in that we could never fill the void this need creates in any other way.It's a constant reminder of our need for others no matter how burdensome they might be.
While for me it's been this uphill,for another it may just been so easy and flowing .Certainly this does leave me wondering how unfair life can be.But like all such rhetoric questions,I have myself to answer it.In the end I still owe it to myself to reassure myself,mend my bruised ego and reinstall myself into life's path.
Now I must accept some harsh realities in my life that actually do work against my wish to be loved.I should be ready to live within my limits and redefine my needs according to my means.It's at this point when we do well to meet with our own selves other than live in denial or refuse to embrace our own uniqueness.Really it should be quite futile and really pitiable to have one struggling so hard to live the 'ideal life' when clearly they were made from a different kind of cloth.
Say who says all of us must be loved in a particular way?Now this is one of those 'best left unspoken facts of life' like, 'we cant all be rich.While there's nothing wrong with dreaming of being loved in the fairy tale style it's also wise to fit the fairy tale scene into our world in which we form the real characters with all our hang ups and negative factors.In reformatting this scene we cant evade to appreciate the changes that must be made in our script.There definitely will be some goals to readjust,expectations to lower,past wounds to nurse and past mistakes to correct before we reinstall ourselves into the game.Not anymore like little children in wistful dreams but like mature people that have been refined by life.We become aware of our own needs and worth and we choose to define love in our terms.
So be encouraged take your time to revive yourself and always remember you owe it yourself to be treated with respect and true appreciation.You must set the standard by yourself.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

I'm a blogger

So finally I'm a bloger.Blogging, the life line of those who communicate best in writing is just the place for me.A journal is like an adored mistress.The same lucrativeness that a good mistress possesses is the one that holds a blogger to their page.
It's a place where I could write my tears,savour my joys and mock my fears without the slightest sense of inhibition.Indeed here one can afford to wander into the darkest stores and even venture into the skeletons in the cupboards of their lives.
In keeping a journal,we get to bond with our deepest selves.The magic of actually jumping out of one's skin and playing the spectator is equal to none.It's the platform from which the condiment in life's soup is brought to the test.Attitudes are revised,bonds created and severed and higher levels of personal growth are attained.
Now my experience as I registered as a blogger is one I'd definitely want to remember.Just like had been specified, the process didn't demand too much computer jargon,much to my relief.My knowledge of computers is quite basic allowing me not anymore than how to distinguish hardware from software.Encouraged by that clarification, I went forth to fill through the forms but I must have been too hurried through the whole thing as I came to discover.I submitted my entry and waited.
Of course I was anxious for the reply,who wouldn't be?Soon a new entry into my hitherto quite monotonous inbox.I open it.Beautiful preliminaries,very warm ,I must add,then comes the gist,the url I'd chosen was invalid!Boy I'm lost.Say who is this aspiring blogger who doesn't know something quite as basic as the appropriate url?However with a few guidelines ,I push on.
So I work through another paperwork and I submit once again.The reply is almost instant,such efficiency!This time round less formal and of course I love that.there is this thrill whenever I wade through the ice of formality into a more agreeable friendly rapport.So I read on.The url is there alright only it isn't accessible,Now help me!I can access it from my computer.Undaunted, I quickly reply even giving the process of accessing it from my computer in a language that would frustrate an expert with its boring plainness.
Once again the reply is there.Such patience! I remark to myself.With a careful precision I'm made to understand why the site is only accessible from my computer and nowhere else.
At first it is ok but after sometime I begin to wonder how rusted my basics in computer literacy must be.
I read through again, trying to piece it up and slowly the jig saw comes through.It is stuff I know only for a while, through the maze of excitement I must have lost myself a bit.
Nonetheless we all learn everyday.Only at times patient teachers are not always there and I pose for a moment to appreciate the cordial lesson I've just received and I challenge myself to give it to another of course in a different field.Or what else can one do?